just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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