I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
