God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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