I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
