is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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