Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
