you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
