Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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