and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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