i think i have two assholes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
