Dual....:-)
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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