my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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