She is in my trunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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