Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
