So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
