I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
