if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
