I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
