It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
