Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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