On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
