This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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