omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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