I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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