i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
