Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
