Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
