It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
birth control should be required to get into college
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
