i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
