help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
