I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
