The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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