so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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