My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
