It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
