She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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