Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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