oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hippo gnu deer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We smell like vodka and hangover
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