we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
