i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
