you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
