I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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