i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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