my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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