Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
