I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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