I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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