Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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