Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
