he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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