wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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