i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize