its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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