I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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