Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
