her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
