If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
