Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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