We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
