Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
