East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
