So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
