i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
