Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
