If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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