have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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