yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
