i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
