Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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