Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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