Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
