The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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