all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I forget how to act sober
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