you thought your balls were fighting each other...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
