Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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