it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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