is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
