I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
