those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
