your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
