TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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