I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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