the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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