Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
