Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
