I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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