i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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